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Tuesday, April 27, 2004


I've officially decided to postpone my graduate studies until next year. KT and I are very near to getting our house! We're excited about that! There are a few things that need to be repaired or replaced at the house. (It's an old house, built in 1927.) So, the house really needs both our attention, at this point.
I had already decided to postpone my studies but thought I'd give MD VR a try. And boy, was THAT a waste of time! First of all, I had emailed them some time ago about my interest for their financial support for my graduate studies. The counselors were like...the regional director wants to meet with you and discuss this. So, I was like...ok. I went and she was like, sorry but we've stopped supporting graduate studies. I was like..wtf! If you knew that you no longer support graduate studies, then why the hell did you make me take time away from work and drive all the way to your local office? It's like...do you really enjoy telling people "sorry, no can do!" Fuck that! That was just all bullshit.
I know there are other financial aids out there for graduate studies. But after some long thoughts and discussions, I've decided it would be better off to defer til 2005. More time for the house and plus, more time for me to save up some moolah.

I'd like to elaborate what KT said in his blog yesterday. I often wondered if Deafies are behind in etiquettes and common sense in certain situations. KT mentioned an example of me and my mother's death. While I appreciate the thoughts and support of those around me, KT and I were looking back and were wondering about some things. I agree with Bobby that sometimes you might not know what to do in certain situations but some form of thoughts or gestures, such as a card (even an e-card) can be of some comfort to the griever or the recipient. There are other situations to consider...
For example, birthdays. I mentioned some time ago when KT and I went to celebrate a friend's birthday. Not to brag, but KT and I were the only ones to bring a card with a $20 in it. The others just showed up and dined and then left. I'm sure their excuse is that the fact that they showed up is enough. To me, that excuse is way overused. Plus, I think that excuse should be reserved for those from out of state...like if you were coming from NY or CA. Also, everyone kept telling her that they didn't have time and that they will get her something later. That is one of the pet peeves of mine, don't make empty promises when you have no intention of doing so.
To make the matter worse, the birthday person had to pay for her own meal. I'm like...why the hell did this person bothered to invite everyone to celebrate our friend's birthday if the birthday person is gonna pay for herself? That is soooo tacky!
I've always been taught, by my parents, to never go to a birthday celebration, or any celebrations, empty-handed. If you can't afford a .99 cent card, then don't bother going. Yeah, we all say that if it was my birthday or whatever, it wouldn't bother me. I'm one of those people that say that. But, acts of thoughts or gestures do speak volumes.
There are other situations as well...such as house-warming parties, baby showers, retirement parties, etc. Perhaps we don't know the true meaning of what these events call for. Someone said that "Deaf minds are set on freebies". All they think is free food, free drinks, free whatever or simply an excuse to party. Hmmm, it made me look back and wonder. In some ways, it's so true and in other ways, I just think that Deafies were not taught or expose what is the right thing to do.
Witch provided a good example with his comments to KT's blog. I believe that is true with a lot of Deafies. They just haven't been taught about the proper way of tipping or what services should be tipped. Lots of Deafies don't know that you're supposed to tip extra for those that handle your luggages (usually $1 each) to cab drivers, bellhops, etc. You're supposed to tip not only your haircutter but the shampooer as well. The list goes on and on. KT and I do ask each other, from time to time, "are we supposed to tip him/her?"
House-warming party is another example. We've asked a few Deafies about this and they seem to think that it's a party/tour of the "new" house. Not quite. The purpose of a house-warming party is to bring gifts that the owners can use around the house. Usually it'll be a gift of a can opener, corkscrew, pot holders, some appliances. You know, like a bridal shower.
So, why is that? Were we neglected to be told of these etiquettes? Or do we know about them and we just *bored* to do them? I know that some Deafies grew up with parents who didn't bother to take time out to explain the facts of life. It's so sad because then it makes the Deafies look bad. There are even parents who do everything for the Deaf children, thus, not allowing the Deafies learn anything. (To go off the point a little bit, KT once knew a roomie who didn't know shit how to sort or wash clothes. His mother did everything for him. So, it made the roomie look bad as he was expected to know what to do as an adult.) I thank my parents for taking time out with me to explain these details. Keep in mind that they didn't explain everything. There are a few things I've had to learn on my own or from others.
Like Bobby said, we're a family. Yes, we are...especially those who are Deaf and gay. We need to take care of each other and bitch-slap each other for not being proper. (just kidding) No, really, we do need to take care of each other and know that we simply want to build up each other and expand our knowledges of the real world. Yet, sometimes this is hard to do because the other person will take it personal. What happens? DRAMA! It's hard to swallow our pride and just accept that we do need to be corrected, for our own improvement. Accept and shut up! :-)
Please remember that I'm not saying that I'm perfect in these things. I've had to learn a thing or two and I'm sure I will learn some more later. Also, remember that I'm talking about Deafies from hearing parents...as that is the majority. I also believe that Deafies from residential schools lack that part of life training. However, I'm curious to see how Deafies from Deaf family were exposed or taught about these facts of life. I'd love to hear from them. Were these things taught or maybe even the kids grew up and had to teach their parents? Me curious...

I've posted a link here on how to tip for different services.

Blog to vee: The Truth about David

I think I'll stop here for now. Until then, ta ta...