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Wednesday, June 30, 2004

6 Months... 

Today marks 6 months since my mother's death. Time has really gone by fast. Yet, I miss her...terribly! Lately, I've been in that mode where I'm like..."wish Mom was here." I've never gone this long without talking to her and it's hard. I got up this morning and remembered that it was 6 months since she left this earth. KT saw that I was acting a bit differently this morning and asked what was wrong. So, I told him and just cried. He just held me for a few minutes. (thanks, babe!)

I felt a little bit of Mom last night. KT and I were in bed and watching t.v. I was lying my head on his stomach. He was running his fingers through my follically-challenged hair and playing with my ears. My mother used to do that to me. So, I was savoring those little moments of affection. (Don't ask me why but Mom had a fixation with playing with ears for long periods of time. It was sort of a security blanket for her, coming from an extremely poor childhood, like some kids suck their thumbs.) Although, KT does run his fingers through my hair from time to time. Yet, last night, it was a specific way he was doing it and it was just reminding me of Mom. I just can't explain it but it felt good.

I think I'll call/email my dad and my aunt and say "hey, hope you are ok" and maybe make some small chats.

Over this recent weekend, while KT was gone to Ohio, I was trying to finish up an ASL poem. I was struggling with it. Somehow, I started thinking of Mom. And, I started to do a poem about her in ASL. Next thing, you know, I'm just about done with it. I just need to close it up, polish, and find a camcorder! Tentatively, it's called "Hugs".

Mom, I miss you! I still love you! (still wish you were here!)