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Wednesday, July 14, 2004


Last night I finished up the ASL poem and mailed it out today. So, all done with that!

Now I can focus on finishing up my short story. (That is if I can make it stay short and not end up writing 10 chapters.)

Had an emotional morning. KT came down to my office and sat with me. Together, we reflected of what was going on with my life, like my mother's death and this whole deal with my dad. Some people soak things up all at once, while others soak it up bit by bit, which is what has been happening to me.

It wasn't just these 2 but a lot of other things happening. Sorta like "sensory overload" and it's like I need the pause button of life, only I can't find it or it's just not there.

Am I depressed? I dunno. At first, I was like..."no, I'm not!" I've never been the kind of person to hit rock bottom emotionally. I'm a fairly cheerful person and have an optimistic view of life.
I guess the death of a loved one can really impact your life. I'm just really missing Mom a whole lot. I'm like...dammit, why couldn't she live another 30 or 40 years and still be a part of my life? Yeah, she'll always be in my heart but I want her here where I can feel her and talk to her and touch her physically. I've heard from others that you never really get over the death of your folks, especially if you were close to them. My grandmother passed away like 8 years before my mother did and Mom still cried for her from time to time. I guess that'll be me.

My father and I never really had a good father and son relationship. So, this whole thing is hard on us, communicating. It's like we're both walking on eggshells with each other. Only time will tell about the outcome of our relationship.

Anyways, moving on...

I've been calling all kinds of doctors, setting up appointments. I'm still not done. Will call a couple more tomorrow. So, have some appointments to keep in the near future, not always fun but a little break from work.

ta ta...