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Thursday, December 30, 2004

In Memory... 

Exactly one year ago on this day, my wonderful wonderful mother passed away.

Of course, dealing with death doesn't really end. You go through a period of grieving right after the death of a loved one. And then, when you think you're done, it hits you again.

It's been a tough year, especially being so far apart from family members. However, I take comfort being with KT and friends. KT has really been patient and supportive. I look back and see just how thoughtful he has been for me.

I got up this morning and immediately thought of Mom. I realized just how much I've missed her and it's only been a year. I know that missing her will just build and build. It'll never go away, not that I want it to. I haven't cried or anything yet, but I know that my moment is bound to happen soon. Probably like in the next 5 minutes, while or after I'm talking about my mother.

I saw my Dad online and I could just imagine what he's going through. I sent him a little "hello" and "I'm thinking of you on this day". He hasn't responded. So, I'm not sure if he's just grieving so much to respond or asleep. He doesn't leave his AIM on forever. Since Mom died, he's been working overnight shifts.

I just hope that my Dad and my Aunt Mary are ok on this day. Yeah, I'm alright.

The other night, KT and I were going through our photos. I came across this photo of Mom before this whole cancer even started. (If I can find a scanner, I'll have it scanned and post it here.) It was a picture of me and her, at night. We must've been coming out from some place or whatever. It was a picture of us laughing, really hard. That's one of the things I miss about her, her laughter..along with her love and quirky humorous remarks. And that's how I'd like to remember her...laughing.

I miss you terribly so! You're always on my mind and in my heart. I know that you're around me. Thank you for sending messages here and there, like the yearbook dedicated to you and the name plaque. Even though you're gone, I still love you! I certainly hope that where you are now is beautiful, that words cannot describe it. I know that you're better off there than here with the pain you were suffering with. One day, we'll all be together. Until then, stay close to us.

your baby,

Elvia B. Gray
December 9, 1955 - December 30, 2003