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Monday, April 11, 2005

Sweet Memories... 

Thursday night, after work, I headed over to CakeLove to meet my mother's best friend, M, along with her husband and son.

I had thought we were going to meet for dinner, catch up on news and get some stuff from my Aunt Mary.

However, they had in mind to meet for dessert, have a quick chat and then move along. I didn't take offense to that but was just puzzled.

Anyways, it was good to see them. We actually ate at Love Cafe, which is across the street from CakeLove. Same company, just two different places. I got myself a strawberry and cream cake, which was sinfully delicious!

Anyways, news were exchanged about certain people...like who got married and such. Nothing was elaborated about my dad. In fact, they asked me if I had anything on my dad. He seems to be leading a life of a recluse or just trying to be mysterious. Who knows.

After that, I was led to their car so that they can give me some stuff from my mom and my aunt. While they were passing the stuff to me, M kept telling me not to look at any of the stuff on the spot because she didn't want me crying there. I figured that must be why the visit was so short because M was trying her best not to be emotional while being with me.

And, off they went.

The whole visit lasted only an hour.

Came home and explored the things with KT. Got a blown up picture of KT, Mom and me. I remember that picture vividly. It was taken back in October, when everyone had thought Mom would pass away then. KT and I were flying back that morning, you know, for work and all that. (Life goes on.) We ate at Denny's for breakfast. Afterwards, we were outside taking pictures of each other. We were all just starting to get emotional, especially the walk to our respective cars in the parking lot. What even made it more emotional was when Mom handed everyone, including me, a thank-you card for being a part of her life. Despite the fact that she was suffering and dying, she was still thankful for each of us. Just gotta love her!

Next was a frame of a drawing that she colored in a coloring book. It was Mom's birthday. Back in October, Mom had told me that she hoped she would live to see her 48th birthday in December. The doctor had previously told her that she would not live to see the end of October. So, when she told me her wish, I had thought it was a lovely wish but it would not happen. To everyone's surprise, she did make it to her last birthday. By then, Mom was pretty much in bed. She was too thin to go out and about. She barely could walk to the master bathroom.

Anyways, I kept thinking what could I get her for her birthday that would occupy her time. I remembered that she loved to color. So I got her some crayons and a Precious Moments coloring book, plus some other stuff, including a DVD set of Bonanza.

Of course, Mom was excited, more excited that she made it to her birthday. One day, Mom decided she wanted to color. She flipped through the book and returned to one particular page. I was busy taking pictures of her coloring. I didn't pay attention to what she was coloring. It wasn't until she was near completion that I began to notice what she was coloring and I had to hold back tears. In fact, I have a picture of her holding up this particular page after she colored it. (Damn, I really need a scanner at home!)

The one Mom colored was a picture of a boy angel on a cloud. Next to him was an empty wheelchair. Staked in the cloud was a sign: Wheelchair 4 Sale. To me that was like that boy was crippled or sick that he had to be on a wheelchair. Well, he died and made it to Heaven and now is getting rid of this wheelchair. I know that Mom suffered, greatly, in her last days. But now, she's in Heaven and I know that she is no longer suffering and is whole once again.

Well, my Aunt Mary framed that particular page and sent it to me. Sweet of her, eh?

She also sent some other things to add around the house. Sweet of her to do that. A note from her and also from my Aunt Lucy were nice.

However, the best of all were some of my Mom's things given to me. Mom loved anything with leopard prints (spots). She had so many things with leopard prints, I'm surprised she never grown tired of them. So, given to me where a blanket, a throw pillow and a cylinder pillow, all with leopard prints. The first thing I did was sniff them, I could actually smell my mother.

KT was tired and went to bed early. I stayed up a bit thinking about the brief meeting with M and going through some of the stuff once again. Eventually, I made it to bed, along with Mom's blanket. I got into bed with the blanket bundled up next to me. Then, I just started sniffing it again and I just cried...for 2 hours. It was nice to have something from Mom. The smell was even better because it was like...she's still here...in some way. Oh, I cried...hard.

Once the crying subsided, I was able to fall asleep and felt peaceful. Usually when I sleep with something, it'll eventually fall off the bed or land somewhere else. Not with my Mom's blanket, it was right by my side throughout the night.

She's missed terribly. However, I take comfort that I shall see her again...one day.

ta ta for now...