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Monday, June 27, 2005

What the Heck Just Happened? 

I hadn't blogged for a few days because I just had to deal with something, despite the busy weekend.

Ok, here goes. KT picked me up from work at a metro station. As soon as I got in the car, he handed me a letter. It was a letter from Dad. We've gone back to snail mail because Dad, somehow, cannot afford internet services and had to cease electronic communication with me. Ok, no biggie. I had given him my numbers to reach me via VP and IP Relay on AIM.

I opened up the letter and it was full of apologies. I was like...what is he trying to say. I finally get to that one sentence that was like a slap to my face. He got married! Y E S! I, on the other hand, had no clue. He got married on Saturday, June 18th. He wrote the letter 2 days after the marriage.

I just couldn't believe it. Dad explained that the reason for the sudden marriage was because of the chilling reception from family members to this woman. I guess he assumed that I'd do the same. I have no issues with the woman. I just have issues with Dad. He made this traditional wedding vow with this woman. You know the "in sickness, in health...for richer, for poorer" stuff. Yet, he has unfinished business with me and family members...lots of broken and empty promises by him and he was supposed to carry out the wishes from Mom. Since Mom's death, 1 1/2 years ago, he has neglected most or broken Mom's wishes. For most of the family members, that's just plain cruel.

He's been having on-going familial battles with 2 aunts and Grandma. They were raised in the old Mexican traditions. Mom and Dad were married for 30 years before Mom passed away. Actually, Mom died 20 days before their 30th anniversary. Dad was already dating within 6 months. I understand that women grieve longer for their spouses longer than men do before moving on. However, my aunts made it clear that he was to grieve and wait until they gave their blessings for him to move on.

One might get a sense of "macho" when encountering the Mexican or Hispanic traditions and cultures. That everything is determined by the men. However, if you really dig deeper, you'll see that it's the women that bring order and discipline among the families. My mother was one of the major matriarchical figures and a glue among the families. Since she's been gone, aunts, grandmas, cousins and neices have continue to run the families. However, the glue is no longer there to hold them all together. Well, Dad has told those 2 aunts and Grandma "up yours!" and did what he wanted.

I understand that he's allowed to move on. At least for me, he can do whatever he wants. It's just that he has a lot of unfinished business with me and other family relatives. It's like he's gone "fuck the world" and married this woman. I feel like I'm part of that "fuck the world". I mean, even if I couldn't go, it would've been nice to have been informed beforehand that Dad was going to get married. Didn't happen.

He told me about this woman 2 letters ago, which was like 4 or 5 months ago. He had went to the valley (that's southern Texas for you non-Texans [Brownsville, Harlingen, etc.]) for a little sole weekend getaway. He somehow met this woman, who is from Mexico, and struck up a conversation. He told me her name. Her first name isn't something I'm gonna attached to something pleasant.

You see, her first name is the same name of the girl I had fingered, when we were young and curious. (Gawd, I can't believe I'm telling this story.) Anyways, how that happened is another story. But, the short version is that this girl didn't know she had started her period. So, when I was done, I pulled out my finger and it was covered in period fluids. She went, "opps, I must've just started." Ugh, gee, thanks for telling me. That was my first and last experience with a girl.

Ok, truth be told. I tried to finger her again some months later. Well, didn't happened. We got busted by Mom in my bedroom. Talk about drama just before we were supposed to leave for Wednesday night church service.

There's more in the letter. This woman doesn't speak one word of English. But the bigger news is that he'll be moving to Mexico. Ok, Mexico isn't on the other side of the globe but still, it's another country. I feel like we're drifting apart, both literally and figuratively. Perhaps, that was meant to be. Who knows. Except, I'm trying to keep my promise with Mom.

Mom knew that Dad and I haven't and will not see eye to eye, at times. Heck, everyone in the families know that Dad and I will "butt heads" without any hesitation. There's been time where we've had major spats. We'd go off and won't bother to approach each other. Mom had to be the mediator and bring us back together. Before Mom died, she told me that she knows that we're gonna have more spats. She had us, individually, promise to her that no matter how bad our spats get that we'll both meet halfway to resolve our issues.

I guess since Mom died, we've both been walking on eggshells for fear of igniting an inferno between us. I guess with this fear, we started drifting apart and did our best with our own way of grieving for Mom and trying to move on with our daily lives.

Anyways, of course, I was just emotional that night after I read the letter. I tried to swallow this lump in my throat but eventually broke down in front of KT. I realized I was mad about it. Cliff and KT sat there and listened to me vent.

I was like...this is so stupid. This woman probably has seen pictures of me and knows some details and whatever about me. I, on the other hand, only know of her name and that she's from Mexico. I haven't seen a picture. I have no idea what she looks like or what she likes. I have no idea which "state" in Mexico she's from. Nada! Nada! Nada! *throwing myself on the floor and having a temper tantrum* *hyperventilating* *frothing at the mouth*

Anyways, it seems everyone had the same advice...to write him a letter and let him know about my feelings. Some even said to call Dad that night and tell him how I felt. However, being the nice boy that I am, I didn't want to ruin his "honeymoon days". I guess I will sit down some day soon and write out a letter. I know this will have to be done soon before KT and I fly out to Texas for our vacation. I'd hate to have drama there and have the vacation ruined. I know, without a doubt, I'm gonna encounter venom from family members on Dad and his new wife. I tell myself that I'm gonna make this a great vacation for me and KT. One of the major highlights of this trip is to see my Mom's grave, regardless if I see Dad, relatives and friends or not.

I'm still thinking things through. While I am, I'd like to thank everyone for their support and words of advice and encouragement these recent days. KT, you're the best!

ta ta for now...